What Are You Doing....?

In a pinch, a big jar of cornichons make a great date.

I have a Facebook friend who posted that this was the first year since she was 13 (she's now in her early 40's) that she hadn't been kissed at midnight on New Year's Eve. And that it was sad but gave her a lot to think about. Huh. I honestly can't even remember the last time I had that compulsory midnight kiss. I'm not saying I haven't been kissed at all. I've been kissed quite often, actually, and well (for the record, I'm a very good kisser), but not on New Year's due to a number of factors that I won't get into here. Not since I was married and definitely not the last year I lived with my husband. So, I'm thinking it's at least been since 2000 or 2001. But things were already pretty funky in 2001, so maybe I was across the room or sound asleep when the ball dropped. Anyway, I'm wondering -- should this be a goal? A resolution, perhaps? To be kissed at midnight on New Year's Eve? 

Oh sure, I've had the perfunctory peck from friends and family after they've already kissed their real person. I usually turn my head slightly to avoid the look of pity. One year I even got a cork in the eye, so that was tactile contact at least. 

This year S and I were stuck in the narrow winding streets of Old Montreal in our car until about 12:02, January 1. When we finally pulled into the lot, S commented that maybe the old Quebecois parking attendant might kiss me. That didn't make me feel pathetic at all. Anyway, I was pretty sure he wouldn't have even if I asked.

I don't buy into the whole you must have a great time on New Year's Eve or else your life sucks thing (see also: Valentine's Day). But it would be nice to kiss the right person any time or day that I wanted. 

Okay, fine. I'll put it on my goals/resolutions list, and we'll see where I am in 352 days. 
In the meantime, cook this:

Chicken Tagine with Green Olives and Preserved Lemon

Adapted from The Food Network/Tyler Florence (I don't know who Tyler Florence is, but he also has a kick-ass Texas Chili worth looking up)

1 cinnamon stick

1 t whole black peppercorns

1 t cumin seeds

1 t sweet or hot paprika

1 t red pepper flakes

1/4 t whole cloves

3 T extra virgin olive oil, plus more for frying

4 cloves garlic, sliced

1 t chopped fresh ginger

1 handfull fresh cilantro leaves, chopped

2 bay leaves

1 large pinch saffron

2 lbs boneless chicken thighs

kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 medium onion, coarsely chopped

1 preserved lemon (easy enough to find a recipe for homemade, but requires a month of advanced planning. I just zip over to the closest middle eastern market)

1/2 c cracked green olives

1 c chicken stock

In a skillet over medium heat, toast the cinnamon, peppercorns, cumin, paprika, red pepper flakes, and cloves until they start to smoke. Remove from heat and grind in a spice grinder or with a mortar and pestle.

In a bowl large enough to accommodate the chicken, add the oil, spice mix, garlic, ginger, cilantro, bay leaves, and saffron. Mix to a paste. Add chicken, rubbing the marinade all over the pieces. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or overnight.

Remove the chicken from the marinade and reserve marinade. Pat chicken dry and season with salt and pepper. In a tagine or large casserole over medium high heat, add 2 tablespoons olive oil. Put in chicken pieces and lightly brown on both sides, about 5 minutes. Add onions and cook until just starting to brown, about 3 minutes. Rinse preserved lemon well. Scoop out flesh and discard; cut peel into strips and add to pan. Add reserved marinade, olives, and chicken stock. Cover tightly and cook over medium low heat for 30 to 35 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through. Remove bay leaf and discard. Taste juices and adjust seasoning. Place chicken on a warm platter. Spoon juices with the preserved lemon, olives, and onions over chicken.

Serve with couscous. At Tyler's suggestion I've been adding the juice of 1/2 a caracara orange (caracara for the couscous), sliced scallions, and chopped dried apricots.

Sweet Distraction and Detachment

Parents: have you realized that your kid is a separate person from you? I haven’t yet. But I’m working on it. Tips for accomplishing this elusive state-of-being would be accepted and appreciated. I know I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been too busy living the life of a 15 ½ year old – ecstatic when I… I mean she… goes to dinner and the movies with friends or aces the PSAT or gets to the orthodontist on time. In a pit of despair when she doesn’t hand in an assignment, blows off a teacher meeting, or spends a Saturday night alone. One might think that this duel life would make me feel more connected – to her at least – but I just end up feeling isolated. S is fully aware of my predicament, and it’s not appreciated. One day I asked her how she was feeling and she said that it didn’t matter – whatever she was feeling, I was feeling it “50 times more.” Disturbing and comforting at the same time. Whenever I tell my therapist a new story looking for sympathy, empathy, something, “You’ll never believe what she did… blah blah blah blah blah,” His response usually goes like this, “So?” Then I say, “Whaddya mean ‘so?’” And then he says, “What does that have to do with you? You don’t have a Chemistry test or a DH Lawrence paper to write.” Oh.

I try to focus on my own life. Really I do. But it’s hard. Let’s see. What could I focus on instead? Work? That’d probably be smart. But, I tend to usually incorporate that into my life pretty well, and clearly it's not enough. Friends? Friends are okay – as long as we don’t talk about kids. Or… as long as at least one of their kids has a seemingly comparable issue. Does that sound bad? If it does, either you’re lying to yourself or you don’t have kids. Or you’re a saint. Luckily teenagers (and parents) aren't the most stable bunch, so there's always someone to talk to.

What’s that, you say? Oh, yeah, the dating thing again. I did that last summer. It was okay. I don’t tend to like strangers, and it gets expensive. Luckily the cover article of Boston magazine this month is about people who choose to be single. They could be married; they’re just choosing not to be. That’s me. Definitely. 

So, I’ve been cooking. A lot. It’s a distraction. It usually involves an accompanying glass of wine and an audio book. Or I’ll put the laptop in the kitchen and run episode after episode of Parenthood in the background (the arrests, runaways, betrayals, autism-induced tantrums, etc… soothe me). I made a Moroccan buffet dinner for 45 for my work holiday party. I made a gooey wild mushroom lasagna for my family Christmas dinner (celebrated a week before the actual day when I played mah jongg with Tabor and we ate guacamole mixed w a lot of salsa since my avocados had gone bad). I made a juicy pork loin wrapped in pancetta. And I’ve been baking. I never bake. I don’t even like eating desserts, so I don’t see the point of making them. But, we went apple picking and you have to do something with dozens of apples. The cat won’t eat them. So, I got on a roll. I’ve made tarts and cakes and cobblers, and Christmas cookies (okay from a mix and in a rush, but cookies came out of the oven). My favorite recipe is “Teddy’s Apple Cake” from the New York Times Cookbook. The new one edited by Amanda Hesser. It’s great for breakfast and provides a distraction both while cooking and eating. In case you need one.

Notice how I wrote, "too sweet." I've adjusted the sugar for you, but feel free to add more if you like.

Teddie's Apple Cake from The Essential New York Times Cookbook: Classic Recipes for a New Century, Edited by Amanda Hesser

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 t salt

1 t ground cinnamon

1 t baking soda

1 1/2 c peanut, vegetable, or corn oil

1 1/2 c sugar (the original recipe called for 2 cups)

3 large eggs

1 t vanilla extract

3 c peeled, cored, and thickly sliced apples

1 c chopped walnuts

1 c raisins (optional, since I've never put them in)

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a 9-inch tube pan. Sift together the flour, salt, cinnamon, and baking soda.

2. Beat the oil and sugar together in a mixer with a paddle (or in a bowl w a hand mixer) for 5 minutes. Add the eggs and beat until the mixture is creamy. Stir in the dry ingredients. Add the vanilla, apples, walnuts, and raisins (if using) and stir until combined.

3. Turn the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in the pan before turning out.

What I Made

So, the other day my 15-year-old daughter said this to me: You know how everyone thinks you're a great cook? That's because they don't live with you.

Huh. That's what you get when you have a 15-year-old.

I guess.

So, I've been trying to step it up a bit. To be honest, she eats a fair amount of take out. I hate to pull the single mom card, but especially during the beginning of the school year, I do work a fair amount in the evenings. And, I have an inordinately hard time figuring out what I want to cook for an entire week, so I tend to use what I prefer to call the "European" method (as it sounds better than the "unorganized" method). And I usually shop – at several different stores – several times a week. Sometimes I picture myself on my deathbed regretting all of the shopping I did, so I get take-out. Sometimes I picture myself on my deathbed regretting all of the take-out we got, so I shop. It depends on the week.

Here are a few of the meals I've made recently in response to the teen comment. I don't think I've received any compliments, but I haven't had many complaints either.

Carne Asada!

Apple Cider Doughnuts!

Some Thai dish from Saveur that had shrimp paste in it!
Don't make anything with shrimp paste in it. From me to you.

And (from the top of this post):

Fettucini with Chard, Mushrooms, and Pancetta!

Which definitely deserves the exclamation point for it's deliciousness and its week-night ease. Make it – it's the perfect foil for Sevan Subs or Panera or Rod Dee Thai or Chef Changs or El Oriental de Cuba or Anna's Taqueria or....

Fettucini with Chard, Mushrooms, and Pancetta
Adapted from a recipe called Fettucini with Peas, Asparagus, and Pancetta in Bon Appétit, May 2010. (I found the chard and mushrooms more seasonal at the moment)

• 12 ounces fettuccine or penne
• 3 ounces pancetta or bacon, chopped
• 2 lbs swiss chard, cleaned and chopped
  
• 10 oz mushrooms, any kind you like
  
• 1 bunch green onions, thinly sliced, white and pale green parts separated from dark green parts
• 2 garlic cloves, pressed
• 1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese plus additional for serving
• 1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon finely grated lemon peel
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley, divided
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil, divided

Cook pasta in pot of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain, reserving 1/2 cup pasta cooking liquid. Return pasta to pot.

Meanwhile, cook pancetta in large nonstick skillet over medium heat until crisp. Using slotted spoon, transfer pancetta to paper towels to drain. Pour off all but 1 teaspoon drippings from skillet. Add mushrooms to drippings in skillet; sauté 5 minutes or until soft. Add chard, white and pale green parts of green onions, and garlic; sauté until vegetables are just tender, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add vegetable mixture, 1/4 cup pasta cooking liquid, dark green parts of green onions, 1/2 cup Parmesan, cream, olive oil, lemon juice, lemon peel, half of parsley, and half of basil to pasta. Toss, adding more cooking liquid by tablespoonfuls if needed. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Transfer to large bowl. Sprinkle pancetta, remaining parsley, and basil over. Serve, passing additional Parmesan cheese.

A New Decade

Last month S and I were scanning the skyline of Manhattan while riding on the (highly recommended) East River ferry. She asked where the World Trade Center used to be. I pointed to the spot and showed her where the new building is going up. She said, "It's been 10 years." And, while over the past few weeks, it's been impossible to avoid the anniversary, at the time I hadn't yet realized it was approaching. As I remembered the fear and the loss, it suddenly hit me -- wait, that decade is over? I can move on? Thank God.

S was five and on her way to her second Tuesday of Kindergarten in Cobble Hill when we heard the first plane hit -- we both remember it vividly, wondering why it was thundering on such a blue and sunny morning. She spent the day in school. I spent the day with my friend Wendy, telling our life stories, watching a parade of people coming off the Brooklyn Bridge covered in ash, and catching papers falling from the sky. What follows is a personal reflection (in list form) of what's happened to me since. It has nothing to do with those events that changed the lives of so many. September 11, 2001 just happened to correspond with the beginning of the last year of my marriage and life as I knew it. And, for better or worse, it launched me to where I am today.

What I've been up to in the last decade:

1. 9/11/01 - Already drunk at 9 a.m., B was running late to work and I was able to call and stop him from trying to get his office at the Seaport. He spent the day on the couch and later kept trying to ride his bike into lower Manhattan to help all of the people who he thought he heard screaming out to him. The rest of the year was much of the same -- he lost his job and was in and out of consciousness not only on the couch, but at the bottom of closets, on the roof of our brownstone, and in the tunnels under Grand Central. Terrible and frightening every minute except for his few stints in rehab.

2. May 2002: I finally grabbed my kid and just walked out in the middle of the night.

3. August 2002: Found the job/school where I still work today and made it a second home.

4. [Insert tragic love story here.]

5. Then - now: Watched S go from 5 - 15 handling it beautifully and really badly (both of us) depending on the day.

6. Then - now: Tripled my income but never have enough (am not sure how that works, or rather, isn't working).

7. Created a whole new community - through work, S's school, and a shared love of books, food, wine, sun, mah jongg, and Brookline.

What I hope to do in the next decade:

1. Have enough (see #6 above).

2. Find someone to get through life together with me instead of always having to do it on my own. Preferably someone brilliant (or pretty smart, at least) who makes me laugh and loves to eat.

3. Bucket list: row on the Thames, eat and write about it in as many places as I can possibly get to.

4. Find a new job? Not sure yet. Would be hard to leave but should I be trying to work at a college? Or take some big independent school leap?

5. Meet my father. Maybe that's where I should start. Stay tuned....

As my old friend Bill Baker put it in his storytelling blog today: "I resolve to never forget the past, but also to not let that past prevent me from looking to the future with promise and possibility." Very wise, Bill. Thanks.

A more mundane goal I have is to perfect this ravioli. I keep failing miserably. The filling is a winner, though, so try it out. I'm just finding it impossible to figure out my KitchenAid's ravioli attachment, but you can always use a dumpling maker.

It started off so well....

And then....

You give it a try....

Ravioli Stuffed with Swiss Chard, Pancetta, Ricotta, and Goat Cheese
Adapted from Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking by Marcella Hazan and my KitchenAid directions

For the stuffing:

2 lbs Swiss chard or fresh spinach
Salt
2 1/2 T onion chopped very fine
3 1/2 T chopped pancetta
3 T butter
1/2 c fresh ricotta mixed with...
1/2 c soft goat cheese
1 egg yolk
2/3 c freshly grated romano cheese
Whole nutmeg

1. Pull the chard leaves from the stalks and wash or soak in cold water until there is no trace of dirt.
2. Put the leaves in a pot with just the water that clings to them. Add a large pinch of salt, cover the pot, and turn heat on to medium and cook until tender, about 12 minutes or so. Drain, cool, squeeze it gently to drive out as much moisture as possible and chop it very fine.
3. In a small saute pan put the onion, pancetta, and butter and turn on the heat to medium. Cook, stirring, until the onion becomes translucent and the pancetta is crisp, then add the chopped chard. Cook for 2 or 3 minutes until all the butter has been absorbed.
4. Turn out all the contents of the pan into a bowl. Add the ricotta/goat cheese mixture, grated romano, and a tiny grating -- about 1/8 of a teaspoon -- of nutmeg and mix with a fork until all ingredients have been evenly combined. Taste and correct for salt.

[I'm going to be a little wishy-washy about the pasta dough. This is Marcella's recipe for a dough to use with stuffed pasta. And then the directions for mixing with a KitchenAid. From there you're on your own -- because it depends on what equipment you have.]

For the homemade pasta:
1 2/3 c unbleached flour
3 large eggs
1 T milk
1/2 t salt

Place eggs, milk, flour, and salt in the bowl of a standing mixer. Attach bowl and flat beater. Turn to Speed 2 and mix 30 seconds.

Exchange flat beater for dough hook. Turn to Speed 2 and knead 2 minutes. Remove dough from bowl and hand knead for 1 - 2 minutes. Let rest for 20 minutes. Divide dough into 3 or 4 pieces before processing with pasta sheet roller attachment. Roll and stuff according to your machine's directions. This is where I start to fail, so I'll leave you to it.