Sweet Distraction and Detachment

Parents: have you realized that your kid is a separate person from you? I haven’t yet. But I’m working on it. Tips for accomplishing this elusive state-of-being would be accepted and appreciated. I know I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been too busy living the life of a 15 ½ year old – ecstatic when I… I mean she… goes to dinner and the movies with friends or aces the PSAT or gets to the orthodontist on time. In a pit of despair when she doesn’t hand in an assignment, blows off a teacher meeting, or spends a Saturday night alone. One might think that this duel life would make me feel more connected – to her at least – but I just end up feeling isolated. S is fully aware of my predicament, and it’s not appreciated. One day I asked her how she was feeling and she said that it didn’t matter – whatever she was feeling, I was feeling it “50 times more.” Disturbing and comforting at the same time. Whenever I tell my therapist a new story looking for sympathy, empathy, something, “You’ll never believe what she did… blah blah blah blah blah,” His response usually goes like this, “So?” Then I say, “Whaddya mean ‘so?’” And then he says, “What does that have to do with you? You don’t have a Chemistry test or a DH Lawrence paper to write.” Oh.

I try to focus on my own life. Really I do. But it’s hard. Let’s see. What could I focus on instead? Work? That’d probably be smart. But, I tend to usually incorporate that into my life pretty well, and clearly it's not enough. Friends? Friends are okay – as long as we don’t talk about kids. Or… as long as at least one of their kids has a seemingly comparable issue. Does that sound bad? If it does, either you’re lying to yourself or you don’t have kids. Or you’re a saint. Luckily teenagers (and parents) aren't the most stable bunch, so there's always someone to talk to.

What’s that, you say? Oh, yeah, the dating thing again. I did that last summer. It was okay. I don’t tend to like strangers, and it gets expensive. Luckily the cover article of Boston magazine this month is about people who choose to be single. They could be married; they’re just choosing not to be. That’s me. Definitely. 

So, I’ve been cooking. A lot. It’s a distraction. It usually involves an accompanying glass of wine and an audio book. Or I’ll put the laptop in the kitchen and run episode after episode of Parenthood in the background (the arrests, runaways, betrayals, autism-induced tantrums, etc… soothe me). I made a Moroccan buffet dinner for 45 for my work holiday party. I made a gooey wild mushroom lasagna for my family Christmas dinner (celebrated a week before the actual day when I played mah jongg with Tabor and we ate guacamole mixed w a lot of salsa since my avocados had gone bad). I made a juicy pork loin wrapped in pancetta. And I’ve been baking. I never bake. I don’t even like eating desserts, so I don’t see the point of making them. But, we went apple picking and you have to do something with dozens of apples. The cat won’t eat them. So, I got on a roll. I’ve made tarts and cakes and cobblers, and Christmas cookies (okay from a mix and in a rush, but cookies came out of the oven). My favorite recipe is “Teddy’s Apple Cake” from the New York Times Cookbook. The new one edited by Amanda Hesser. It’s great for breakfast and provides a distraction both while cooking and eating. In case you need one.

Notice how I wrote, "too sweet." I've adjusted the sugar for you, but feel free to add more if you like.

Teddie's Apple Cake from The Essential New York Times Cookbook: Classic Recipes for a New Century, Edited by Amanda Hesser

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 t salt

1 t ground cinnamon

1 t baking soda

1 1/2 c peanut, vegetable, or corn oil

1 1/2 c sugar (the original recipe called for 2 cups)

3 large eggs

1 t vanilla extract

3 c peeled, cored, and thickly sliced apples

1 c chopped walnuts

1 c raisins (optional, since I've never put them in)

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a 9-inch tube pan. Sift together the flour, salt, cinnamon, and baking soda.

2. Beat the oil and sugar together in a mixer with a paddle (or in a bowl w a hand mixer) for 5 minutes. Add the eggs and beat until the mixture is creamy. Stir in the dry ingredients. Add the vanilla, apples, walnuts, and raisins (if using) and stir until combined.

3. Turn the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in the pan before turning out.

What I Made

So, the other day my 15-year-old daughter said this to me: You know how everyone thinks you're a great cook? That's because they don't live with you.

Huh. That's what you get when you have a 15-year-old.

I guess.

So, I've been trying to step it up a bit. To be honest, she eats a fair amount of take out. I hate to pull the single mom card, but especially during the beginning of the school year, I do work a fair amount in the evenings. And, I have an inordinately hard time figuring out what I want to cook for an entire week, so I tend to use what I prefer to call the "European" method (as it sounds better than the "unorganized" method). And I usually shop – at several different stores – several times a week. Sometimes I picture myself on my deathbed regretting all of the shopping I did, so I get take-out. Sometimes I picture myself on my deathbed regretting all of the take-out we got, so I shop. It depends on the week.

Here are a few of the meals I've made recently in response to the teen comment. I don't think I've received any compliments, but I haven't had many complaints either.

Carne Asada!

Apple Cider Doughnuts!

Some Thai dish from Saveur that had shrimp paste in it!
Don't make anything with shrimp paste in it. From me to you.

And (from the top of this post):

Fettucini with Chard, Mushrooms, and Pancetta!

Which definitely deserves the exclamation point for it's deliciousness and its week-night ease. Make it – it's the perfect foil for Sevan Subs or Panera or Rod Dee Thai or Chef Changs or El Oriental de Cuba or Anna's Taqueria or....

Fettucini with Chard, Mushrooms, and Pancetta
Adapted from a recipe called Fettucini with Peas, Asparagus, and Pancetta in Bon Appétit, May 2010. (I found the chard and mushrooms more seasonal at the moment)

• 12 ounces fettuccine or penne
• 3 ounces pancetta or bacon, chopped
• 2 lbs swiss chard, cleaned and chopped
  
• 10 oz mushrooms, any kind you like
  
• 1 bunch green onions, thinly sliced, white and pale green parts separated from dark green parts
• 2 garlic cloves, pressed
• 1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese plus additional for serving
• 1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon finely grated lemon peel
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley, divided
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil, divided

Cook pasta in pot of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain, reserving 1/2 cup pasta cooking liquid. Return pasta to pot.

Meanwhile, cook pancetta in large nonstick skillet over medium heat until crisp. Using slotted spoon, transfer pancetta to paper towels to drain. Pour off all but 1 teaspoon drippings from skillet. Add mushrooms to drippings in skillet; sauté 5 minutes or until soft. Add chard, white and pale green parts of green onions, and garlic; sauté until vegetables are just tender, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add vegetable mixture, 1/4 cup pasta cooking liquid, dark green parts of green onions, 1/2 cup Parmesan, cream, olive oil, lemon juice, lemon peel, half of parsley, and half of basil to pasta. Toss, adding more cooking liquid by tablespoonfuls if needed. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Transfer to large bowl. Sprinkle pancetta, remaining parsley, and basil over. Serve, passing additional Parmesan cheese.

A New Decade

Last month S and I were scanning the skyline of Manhattan while riding on the (highly recommended) East River ferry. She asked where the World Trade Center used to be. I pointed to the spot and showed her where the new building is going up. She said, "It's been 10 years." And, while over the past few weeks, it's been impossible to avoid the anniversary, at the time I hadn't yet realized it was approaching. As I remembered the fear and the loss, it suddenly hit me -- wait, that decade is over? I can move on? Thank God.

S was five and on her way to her second Tuesday of Kindergarten in Cobble Hill when we heard the first plane hit -- we both remember it vividly, wondering why it was thundering on such a blue and sunny morning. She spent the day in school. I spent the day with my friend Wendy, telling our life stories, watching a parade of people coming off the Brooklyn Bridge covered in ash, and catching papers falling from the sky. What follows is a personal reflection (in list form) of what's happened to me since. It has nothing to do with those events that changed the lives of so many. September 11, 2001 just happened to correspond with the beginning of the last year of my marriage and life as I knew it. And, for better or worse, it launched me to where I am today.

What I've been up to in the last decade:

1. 9/11/01 - Already drunk at 9 a.m., B was running late to work and I was able to call and stop him from trying to get his office at the Seaport. He spent the day on the couch and later kept trying to ride his bike into lower Manhattan to help all of the people who he thought he heard screaming out to him. The rest of the year was much of the same -- he lost his job and was in and out of consciousness not only on the couch, but at the bottom of closets, on the roof of our brownstone, and in the tunnels under Grand Central. Terrible and frightening every minute except for his few stints in rehab.

2. May 2002: I finally grabbed my kid and just walked out in the middle of the night.

3. August 2002: Found the job/school where I still work today and made it a second home.

4. [Insert tragic love story here.]

5. Then - now: Watched S go from 5 - 15 handling it beautifully and really badly (both of us) depending on the day.

6. Then - now: Tripled my income but never have enough (am not sure how that works, or rather, isn't working).

7. Created a whole new community - through work, S's school, and a shared love of books, food, wine, sun, mah jongg, and Brookline.

What I hope to do in the next decade:

1. Have enough (see #6 above).

2. Find someone to get through life together with me instead of always having to do it on my own. Preferably someone brilliant (or pretty smart, at least) who makes me laugh and loves to eat.

3. Bucket list: row on the Thames, eat and write about it in as many places as I can possibly get to.

4. Find a new job? Not sure yet. Would be hard to leave but should I be trying to work at a college? Or take some big independent school leap?

5. Meet my father. Maybe that's where I should start. Stay tuned....

As my old friend Bill Baker put it in his storytelling blog today: "I resolve to never forget the past, but also to not let that past prevent me from looking to the future with promise and possibility." Very wise, Bill. Thanks.

A more mundane goal I have is to perfect this ravioli. I keep failing miserably. The filling is a winner, though, so try it out. I'm just finding it impossible to figure out my KitchenAid's ravioli attachment, but you can always use a dumpling maker.

It started off so well....

And then....

You give it a try....

Ravioli Stuffed with Swiss Chard, Pancetta, Ricotta, and Goat Cheese
Adapted from Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking by Marcella Hazan and my KitchenAid directions

For the stuffing:

2 lbs Swiss chard or fresh spinach
Salt
2 1/2 T onion chopped very fine
3 1/2 T chopped pancetta
3 T butter
1/2 c fresh ricotta mixed with...
1/2 c soft goat cheese
1 egg yolk
2/3 c freshly grated romano cheese
Whole nutmeg

1. Pull the chard leaves from the stalks and wash or soak in cold water until there is no trace of dirt.
2. Put the leaves in a pot with just the water that clings to them. Add a large pinch of salt, cover the pot, and turn heat on to medium and cook until tender, about 12 minutes or so. Drain, cool, squeeze it gently to drive out as much moisture as possible and chop it very fine.
3. In a small saute pan put the onion, pancetta, and butter and turn on the heat to medium. Cook, stirring, until the onion becomes translucent and the pancetta is crisp, then add the chopped chard. Cook for 2 or 3 minutes until all the butter has been absorbed.
4. Turn out all the contents of the pan into a bowl. Add the ricotta/goat cheese mixture, grated romano, and a tiny grating -- about 1/8 of a teaspoon -- of nutmeg and mix with a fork until all ingredients have been evenly combined. Taste and correct for salt.

[I'm going to be a little wishy-washy about the pasta dough. This is Marcella's recipe for a dough to use with stuffed pasta. And then the directions for mixing with a KitchenAid. From there you're on your own -- because it depends on what equipment you have.]

For the homemade pasta:
1 2/3 c unbleached flour
3 large eggs
1 T milk
1/2 t salt

Place eggs, milk, flour, and salt in the bowl of a standing mixer. Attach bowl and flat beater. Turn to Speed 2 and mix 30 seconds.

Exchange flat beater for dough hook. Turn to Speed 2 and knead 2 minutes. Remove dough from bowl and hand knead for 1 - 2 minutes. Let rest for 20 minutes. Divide dough into 3 or 4 pieces before processing with pasta sheet roller attachment. Roll and stuff according to your machine's directions. This is where I start to fail, so I'll leave you to it.

Do I Have To?

Last Friday I went on a date. Like a real date, with someone I'd actually met in person. So, this is a good thing, right? I'm wondering why I was filled with such dread. Little things kept coming up during the day that made me want to cancel. A fight with S on the phone. The oppressive heat. Too much work. The sneaking suspicion that I'd rather be at home in bed watching episode after episode of Mad Men.

But then S and I made up, I bought a new outfit after frantically texting and emailing everyone I knew for wardrobe advice, and I went on the date. It was fun. Not earth-shattering, but fun. He took me sailing in Boston Harbor. Being incompetent at sailing, I got to just sit around and make sure that I didn't get knocked out by the mast. We sailed by the ICA and Legal Harborside. I saw a part of the city that I love from a completely different view. After the sail we went to dinner. It was one of those places that you're sure will suck (too eclectic a menu and a bar filled with college kids and televisions), but it doesn't matter because you're sitting on a deck by the water. The food was surprisingly good. I got "drunken shrimp and lobster saute," and the shellfish actually tasted fresh. And while the recommended drink sounded dreadful and was served in a plastic cup, it was delicious and did its job to take the edge off.


Then we went back to his very cool place with a pool. And we made out. And that was as far as I wanted to go, which didn't please him, but I didn't care. He's not a bad kisser but not a great one either. He has this amazing, possibly sexy, New Zealand accent, but he mumbles, so while I love the lilt, I have no idea what he's saying half the time. It was pleasant, but we didn't really laugh. He likes good food, but doesn't read fiction. He's smart, financially secure, and available, but is that enough? Like Carrie Bradshaw would say "is a relationship a relationship without the zsa zsa zu?" That feeling of excitement and butterflies is missing in this case.

In a group of women I was with last week, I mentioned some glaring typos in one of his text messages (that couldn't even be explained away with the plague of the iPhone auto-correct). One woman looked me in the eye and said a little too definitively: You are going to end up alone.

Perhaps I will. I think I'd like to date some more, but I'm not wedded to the idea. I like a life of easy laughter and I'm just not seeing it with this guy. One of the best times I've had all summer was with a different (more supportive) group of women, six of us eating and drinking on my deck and laughing for hours. This is what I served:

Fricasseed Chicken with Eggplant and Fresh Tomatoes

Adapted from Marcella's Italian Kitchen by Marcella Hazan

1 1/2 pounds eggplant

salt

1/2 pound fresh, ripe tomatoes

2 1/2 pounds chicken cut up

1/4 pound pancetta

2T extra virgin olive oil

2 garlic cloves, lightly mashed

1/2 c dry white wine

black pepper

1T parsley chopped fine

vegetable oil for frying

1. Wash the eggplant in cold water, cut off the green tops, and slice it into strips about 3 inches long, 1 inch wide, and 1 inch thick.

2. Place a colander over a bowl and spread the eggplant strips along the sides of the colander. Sprinkle liberally with salt and let stand for about an hour.

3. Cut the tomatoes into chunks

4. Rinse the chicken and pat thoroughly dry

5. Chop the pancetta very fine.

6. In a saute pan large enough to accomodate all of the chicken pieces (later) without overlapping, put in the olive oil, pancetta, and garlic and turn on the heat to medium high, keeping the pan uncovered.

7. When the garlic becomes colored a pale gold, add the chicken pieces. Brown them well, skin side down first to melt the fat, then on their other side.

8. Add the wine and sprinkle with salt and several grindings of pepper. When the wine has evaporated, add the parsley and the cut up tomatoes. Turn the contents of the pan over once or twice with a wooden spoon, then cover the pan and turn down the heat to medium. Turn the chicken pieces over from time to time.

9. While the chicken cooks, take a frying pan and pour in enough vegetable oil to come 1/2 an inch up the side of the pan. Turn the heat on to high.

10. Drain the eggplant strips thoroughly with kitchen towels. When the oil is hot enough to make the eggplant sizzle, slip as much of it into the pan at one time as will fit without overlapping or crowding. Fry the eggplant on both sides until it becomes colored a rich gold, then transfer with a slotted spoon to a platter covered with paper towels to blot.

11. When the chicken is done (it should be cooked through and feel very tender when pricked with a fork) turn off the heat and tilt the pan to spoon off nearly all the clear fat.

12. Add the fried eggplant, turn on the heat to medium, and cook for 3 - 5 minutes, stirring from time to time. Some of the eggplant may dissolve (yum), helping to make the sauce creamier. Transfer to a warm platter with all the pan juices and serve immediately.

* The eggplant may be fried and set aside several hours before cooking the chicken. And, as is usual with a braised dish, the entire thing may be made the day before and reheated gently just before serving.